annual review

i just realized i never did my new years resolutions (birthday edition).

before i turn 37 (!holy shit!), i would like to:

  1. get rid of the last two cigarettes a day i smoke. shouldn't be too hard, since i generally go all weekend without having one. i usually have one on the way to work and one on the way home. sometimes more on wednesdays.
  2. learn to drink. not get drunk, i can do that (and easily, i'm a cheap date), but to drink. to enjoy a cocktail in a more grown-up way. and to learn to make cocktails, too. i'm no good at that. i think i'll work on it with my brother on the cruise next month.
  3. find something i'm interested in. i was talking to a coworker the other day and he asked what i do (or wish i had more time for) outside of work and family, and i couldn't think of anything. i mean, i like music a lot, but i'm not that knowledgable anymore. i like books and lit, but i am so tired all the time that i tend to fall asleep when i'm reading. i used to be a newsy person, with actual informed opinions on the news and how its delivered, but now i'm just kind of disengaged. there must be SOMETHING, more than a hobby but less than an obsession. it doesn't even have to be a passion, just something i can talk about with knowledge and a little fire. which leads to the next few items…
  4. get back on the "one live show a month" schedule. May was good for that (thanks to matokie).
  5. compile a list of contemporary and classic books i SHOULD have read but DIDN'T, and read them. at least start them, so i can say "i started it but it was an overrated piece of crap so i chucked it."
  6. start reading the paper again, and keeping up on the world and, specifically, what we're doing in/to it. in the book i'm reading now, one character says to another "your government is obviously wanting to do X and Y with an eye towards doing Z (all horrible things). Aren't you even paying attention?" more or less, and I realized that no, i'm not paying attention, beyond the big news headlines, i'm not. an old journalism professor of mine used to tell us to read the business section and the little international news blurbs, and we'd be a helluva lot less surprised by the headlines in the US news sections, and he was right.
  7. go on one date. just one. i don't have any need to find a new husband, or even a partner (i'm not against the idea but it isn't a driving need for me anymore), i just need to do it once. to prove i can, maybe, or to feel like a normal single adult. i dunno. i've had this resolution before. it'd be nice to have resolution #3 taken care of if this ever occurs, so i have something interesting to talk about.
  8. get divorced finally! that's already in the works, thank god. it's ridiculous my aversion to paperwork has held this up for so long.
  9. be more social, with old friends and to make new ones. i have so many opportunities to do it in easy ways – like, on wednesday, there was a lost finale party. i easily could've gone, but i got all socialphobic and didn't go. and seriously, a bunch of new folks i already have something in common with, along with people i already know to keep it comfortable for me, and i'd have only needed to talk for like 3 minutes out of every 15 (just on commercial breaks) – how easy would that have been? and yet, i didn't. how dumb.
  10. read tim gunn's book and apply his teachings to my closet and my life. he is my guru.

Most importantly, i need to continue getting better about talking with sophie. we do ok, but i've been consciously putting us in situations where it's easy for her to open up to me. she really does want to just spend time talking, and when we do i learn so much about what's going on with her. i need to keep that channel open as long as possible.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. I love your new year's/birthday resolutions! They all sound very reasonable and doable. I feel like personally #3 and #6 I've gotten better at this past year. It's been both fun and frustrating getting engaged in different issues, but a good thing overall. The talking to your kid thing is wonderful and I love that you called it out as a goal for yourself. It should be a goal: I'm just starting to grasp how hard it is to step out of "child supervisor" mode and just *hang* with my kid sometimes. I love it when we connect on that level but for some reason it's not a natural place I go to on my own without thinking about it. I might borrow your goal, if it's OK. 🙂


  2. it's totally hard to get out of supervisor mode, cause that really is
    the main part of our job. gotta keep the kid safe and guide them into
    being functioning adults. it's like how managers rarely get the chance
    to hang out with their reports. but when they do it is so worth it,
    unless they are asshole managers, then it isn't. but we are not asshole
    mamas, so yes, share that goal!


  3. Keeping up with the world is hard. I've found "The Week" weekly (of course) magazine helps a lot. It sums up pretty much everything that happened int he week including editorials from multiple angles.


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